We Have Finished Our Waiting



Dear All,

We are sorry to keep you all waiting for so many days since Sept 19. We had decided to wait till the weekend before we make our final decision. Since there is still no news of Yi Jien, we have decided to end our waiting and move on from here. We cannot fathom at this point God's purposes . . . it had seemed that all things were pointing to His bringing out Yi Jien . . but since it has not come to pass, we will move on, still continuing to trust that He is our God who loves us and that His will is always good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2b) even though it may not appear so at the moment. Perhaps we had misread Him . .we do not know . . but we do know that we have always experienced Him as a good and faithful God and we will continue to trust that He is all that His Word says He is.

We can never thank each of you enough for journeying with us through this very long and hard journey. We trust that through this period at least one purpose has been fulfilled . . He has drawn each of us to seek Him more and has done His own deep work of change in our lives. We know that many of you have shed many tears and gone through much pain on our behalf . . . thank you . . and we pray that He will continue to be your source of healing and comfort. It is also our prayer that each of us, both individually and in our own groups or community, will continue to follow Him in faithful trust and obedience as He leads us from here . . . may we continue to learn to live by faith and not by sight, hard though it may be.

We will be leaving for home right after we tie up some loose ends here this week.

So dear family members and friends . . His blessings of grace, peace and joy be with each of you.

Held In His love,

kim guat and siu yindecided to wait till the weekend before we make our final decision. Since there is still no news of Yi Jien, we have decided to end our waiting and move on from here. We cannot fathom at this point God's purposes . . . it had seemed that all things were pointing to His bringing out Yi Jien . . but since it has not come to pass, we will move on, still continuing to trust that He is our God who loves us and that His will is always good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2b) even though it may not appear so at the moment. Perhaps we had misread Him . .we do not know . . but we do know that we have always experienced Him as a good and faithful God and we will continue to trust that He is all that His Word says He is.

We can never thank each of you enough for journeying with us through this very long and hard journey. We trust that through this period at least one purpose has been fulfilled . . He has drawn each of us to seek Him more and has done His own deep work of change in our lives. We know that many of you have shed many tears and gone through much pain on our behalf . . . thank you . . and we pray that He will continue to be your source of healing and comfort. It is also our prayer that each of us, both individually and in our own groups or community, will continue to follow Him in faithful trust and obedience as He leads us from here . . . may we continue to learn to live by faith and not by sight, hard though it may be.

We will be leaving for home right after we tie up some loose ends here this week.

So dear family members and friends . . His blessings of grace, peace and joy be with each of you.

Held In His love,

kim guat and siu yin

Dear All,

This will probably be our last update till after the 40th day, which is the day we have set as our last day of waiting upon the Lord. As we enter this last period of waiting, Siu Yin and I have felt the Lord preparing and keeping our hearts in His peace, His love and the hope He has given us. Each time when in our own frailty, we allow niggling questions and doubts to unsettle us, we come back to the Lord, to seek Him, to worship Him and to be strengthened in Him . . . and He never fails to comfort, assure and to make ". . . my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights . . . broadens the path beneath me so that my ankles do not turnover (Psalm 18:33, 36)." We discover again that He is all that His Word testifies to, and far larger than our hopes and desires.

We would like to share with you where we are now in this last stretch.

From Siu Yin:

Some of you may think I must be very anxious at this very last part of the waiting journey. However my heart is still with hope, for God graciously walks with me everyday with His Word full of love and mercy. Today I read Psalm 109 and I started praying for Yi-Jien through the Scriptures: Psalm 109:21 - 31 21 But you, O LORD Yi-Jien's Lord, act on Yi-Jien's behalf for your name's sake; because your steadfast love is good, deliver Yi-Jien. 22 For Yi-Jien is poor and needy, and Yi-Jien's heart is pierced within him. 23 Yi-Jien is gone like a shadow at evening; Yi-Jien is shaken off like a locust. 2425 Yi-Jien is an object of scorn to his accusers; when they see Yi-Jien, they shake their heads. 26 Help Yi-Jien, O LORD my God! Save Yi-Jien according to your steadfast love. 27 Let them know that this is your hand; you, O LORD, have done it. 28 Let them curse, but you will bless. Let Yi-Jien's assailants be put to shame;1 may your servant Yi-Jien be glad. 29 May Yi-Jien's accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a mantle. 30 With Yi-Jien's mouth he will give great thanks to the LORD; Yi-Jien will praise him in the midst of the throng. 31 For he stands at the right hand of the needy, to save them from those who would condemn them to death. Yi-Jien's knees are weak through fasting; Yi-Jien's body has become gaunt.

The strong sense of Yi-Jien still alive and seeing him is deep down in my heart. I then reread my journal I wrote last few days showing my struggle of doubting and praying for God's help to transform my doubt into trust. I have been pondering John 14:12-14 12 Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If in my name you ask me1 for anything, I will do it. And it does strengthen my belief that God has heard our cry to deliver Yi-Jien, yet it does not change my open ended hope – God can deliver Yi-Jien but God may not do it. Then I felt the paradox in my belief that I believe Yi-Jien is alive, yet I accept that God may not deliver him at the end. What kind of belief is this? During this struggling, I received emails mentioning Mark 11:23-24 23 Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you. 24 So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. God helps me to break through my open ended hope, for I have to believe that I have received what I pray for – deliver Yi-Jien, O Lord and this is what I should believe until the end of waiting. I believe I am going to see Yi-Jien in this week. I feel joy in my heart and understand John 16:24b. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete. I don't want to ask "if" anymore and I just believe the promise is coming and my joy shall be complete when it comes. I don't think too far ahead and just look forward to seeing Yi-Jien and trust God will help me to go through what is next. This is what I think I should believe. Jesus reminds us "Do not doubt but believe"


For me, the journey was about trying to discern and follow God in what He was doing in and through this whole incident. Right from the very start, I had already surrendered the outcome to Him regardless, trusting that His will is always the best for our lives. As the journey progressed, it seemed that God was pointing me to a specific hope that Yi Jien is alive and He would deliver him . . . then leading from that to the fact that He is the Almighty God who wants (not just can) to do what is the impossible for His larger purposes. Dare I believe that? It was no longer about Yi Jien anymore (although the two things are linked) but it was about whether I would be willing to take that step of faith (if I had discerned Him correctly) to believe that He is still the same God who did mighty acts on behalf of our forefathers in the Bible.
I took that step with fear and trepidation, knowing that I could be wrong, but I chose to accept His invitation to believe . . and that is still where I am now as I enter this last stretch . . . trusting that it is all about our God who wants to bring glory to Himself in a mighty way. It is faith yet tinged with the human fear of 'what if i am wrong?' Again and again through my daily readings these past three days (Psalms 3-6 and Isaiah 60-66) and emails which some of you sent, God continued to gently encourage. In Isaiah 66:9 (my reading today), God's word to the Israelites was, "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery? Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" I am challenged again to hold fast to God's promise till the end.


However, in God's larger scheme of things, what began as a personal crisis, has unfolded into a jouney of faith that went beyond our family and involved all of you. We wish we could include in detail all the encouraging testimonies which so many of you have written to share about what God has been doing in your personal lives, in your families and across churches. Many of you have said that ultimately it is the process of the journey, not the final outcome that is important to you . . that you have come to a place where you will still praise and thank God regardless because you have come to taste of His greatness, love and mercy throughout this journey.

Therefore, one of the main reasons for not continuing with our updates is to allow you to continue in your own journey of faith with God. We have always, throughout this journey, tried to point you to God because ultimately, it is not about us but about Him, and all that He wants to do in each of our lives and beyond. So we think it is fitting at this last stretch, that we all come before Him to seek Him ourselves and hear from Him what or how He wants us to pray. We trust that His Spirit will so lead us that beyond the physical realm, there will be that stream of prayers rising in unity as incense before the Father's presence, a chorus of praise, thanksgiving and petition. And we 'move aside' and let God accomplish His purposes.

So thank you all again for journeying so tenaciously and so far with us . . . may this journey end in glorious praise and glory to Him, our Almighty Triune God, Father, Son and Spirit.


Your very grateful and much privileged fellow sojourners in faith,

kim guat and siu yin


p.s. You are all still welcome to write to us . . we appreciate greatly all the emails that we have received.

p.p.s. Just to clarify about the 40 days . . the number '40' does not have to refer to a precise figure although it can; it can also refer to a period of time where God accomplishes His purposes, of testing, trial, etc., which ends with a period of restoration or renewal . . . you can look this up yourself :-) God bless!

Dear All,

Even after such a long hard journey, there are still so many of you who have written to say that you are still waiting with us and praying with us, and for that we will always be grateful. We are just so overwhelmed and humbled by your love for us and your determination to pray that God will return Yi Jien to us . . no words can adequately express the deep thankfulness we feel towards each of you.

I am sure the question of how long we are to wait has crossed your minds . . before Siu Yin flew to Montana, she had told the Lord that she would wait for as long as 40 days. Some of you have also shared with us a similar 'conviction' . . after pondering and praying over this, we have set this as our last day of waiting. May the Lord forgive us if we are using our rational minds to limit Him . . . but we believe it is not fair to all of you to drag out the period of waiting indefinitely; besides the number '40' has a special significance in the Bible as we all know. Unless the Lord shows any of us differently, we will trust and pray that He will have accomplished His purposes by then.

Today (Thurs) was a hard day because I allowed myself to be distracted from my focus on God. As I thought about the weariness that some of you are experiencing, the question in many minds of whether I am just clinging on to an empty hope, that we should be bringing a closure to this already, the thought of appearing 'foolish' in believing in a miracle that seems less and less likely now . . . my heart grew anxious as the enormity of the whole situation struck me again. I had in faith believed as the journey progressed that the Lord was holding out that promise to us that He will deliver Yi Jien, and I had held onto that . . . had I misread His leading?

I learn again that I had to bring my focus back to Him. As I sought Him again, everywhere I turned to, be it in His Word or through the songs that I turned to in worship of Him, or in the quietness of my heart, He seemed to be saying the same thing - to hold on and that His salvation is near. In my regular readings of Isaiah 56 and 57, 56:1-2 speaks of that. I turned to Hebrews 10 - 11 to read about faith and 10:37-38 talks about the same thing. And at the end of the day, I found God drawing me into His love. I did not 'feel' His love (I am not a 'feeler' like Siu Yin :-)) but I knew it in my heart and mind that Jesus was looking at me in love, a love that I had yet to comprehend in all its vastness and depthlessness, but a love that is still embracing me nonetheless. I was reminded again of how faithful He has always been to me . . and therefore I can firmly trust that He will continue always to be faithful to the end.

And so having drawn my strength and confidence from Him again, there is only one way for me to go . .to choose to keep my eyes fully on Him and trust Him . . and to hold on in faith to what I believe He has been showing me and the larger community of faith throughout this whole journey. His Word reminded me again that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6) . . an eternal truth attested to by the lives of faith of the great cloud of witnesses who surround us (Hebrews 12:1) . . a truth I am called to live out in my life as well.

A dear friend sent me this beautiful modern hymn yesterday Speak O Lord (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsQ-gMkOSok). It resonated so deeply within me, capturing so many of my feelings and thoughts, that I offered it as the prayer of Siu Yin and my heart to God.

Speak O Lord as we come to You
To receive the food of Your holy Word
Take Your truth plant it deep in us
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith
Speak O Lord and fulfil in us
All Your purposes for Your glory

Teach us Lord full obedience
Holy reverence true humility
Test our thoughts and our attitudes
In the radiance of Your purity
Cause our faith to rise, cause our eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority
Words of power that can never fail
Let their truth prevail over unbelief

Speak O Lord and renew our minds
Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us
Truth unchanged from the dawn of time
That willl echo down through eternity
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises
And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us
Speak O Lord till Your church is built
And the earth is filled with Your glory

May each of you find comfort and strength in His unfailing Word and love as you walk by faith your own personal journey with Him, knowing that He walks with you . . to the end that His church be built and the earth be filled with His glory.

In His unfailing and unchanging love,

kim guat and siu yin

p.s. my apologies for this very long email . . I had thought that there would not be much to say in this waiting period which is why I have put two days' updates into one . . definitely signs of getting more verbose in my old age :-) God bless!

Writing to Us
Thursday, September 11, 2008 2:29 AM
From: "kimguat goh"

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Dear All,

I was told that many of you wanted to write but were afraid that you would be intruding into our space and grief or that we would be inundated with too many emails . . please don't ever feel that . . we are very encouraged when you write, even if you do not know what to say . . it is not the words that are important to us, but the fact that you care enough to pray for us and support us through this time. . and to want to write.

So do feel free to write anytime . . thank you again for all your love and concern.

Love

kim guat and siu yin


On Thu, Sep 11, 2008 at 1:32 AM, kimguat goh wrote:

Dear All,

My apologies for being late in getting this out. I have been sitting and waiting upon the Lord, pondering in my heart as to what the Lord might want me to write.

As I have shared before, we have now entered a period of waiting . . it is a waiting upon Him, to seek Him and to allow Him to continue to teach us, mould and refine us as we try to process what He is doing through all this . . . and a waiting for Him to fulfil His promise regarding Yi Jien when His time is complete. So both Siu Yin and I have settled down, guarded in our hearts by His peace, to wait and learn His precious lessons . . . .

Waiting is one of them . . . Waiting is not always easy because you want the end to come and yet you do not know when it will come. When God says 'Soon' or 'it is coming', we learn again that His timing is not the same as our timing. We learn not to fret, not to ask that question always so dear to our hearts of 'Why' . . . but instead we have learned to accept this waiting as part of His larger purposes, a gift from Him to draw us closer to seek Him, and to learn from Him and about Him . . . and every day He continues to surprise us with His unfailing love. This phrase 'unfailing love' has stayed in my heart for a few days, from Psalm 147:11. Siu Yin has been encountering that unfailing love in her experience with God . . . I am processing that in my thoughts and allowing it to sink into my heart (you can see how very different we both are in how we relate to God and how He relates to us :-))

The importance of community and friends is another . . . we may all never fully realise the eternal signifcance of what has happened or is happening when through one single incident, God has drawn so many people together (probably in the thousands now), crossing the boundaries of age, race, gender, country and even religion . . and (for those who know Him), to pray in unity of heart, mind and purpose, not just that Yi Jien be delivered from death but also that His name be ultimately glorified. We leave that in His hands even as we continue to pray as He leads.

On a human level though, the prayer and emotional support and encouragement from this very extended community of faith has really kept us in faith, strength, peace and quiet joy. We would never have come to where we are without you all, and we really mean that.

Secondly, having good friends who journey with you, even if it is just one or two, helping you discern together what God is doing and process what you are going through, is very precious. Siu Yin and I are blessed not only to have one another to journey together but also a few good friends who are always there for us. May we all learn to be that kind of friend to one another, willing to walk alongside one another for as long as it takes, not necessarily always knowing what to say but being open to learn from His Spirit as we journey together. And may we also learn, where we are, to form and become that kind of loving community in Christ for one another . . . and for the many in this world who are looking for that kind of love, acceptance, and healing. To that end, we need each of us to allow the Lord to 'bend me, break me, mould me and use me.'

And so in the words of Spafford's hymn, it is still 'well with our souls.' God continues to encourage us through our daily times in His Word . . in the psalms (which many of you are also still encouraging us with) and for me in Isaiah 54 and 55.

May I leave us again with a song, this one sent to us yesterday from a young friend of Yi Jien. In her words, ". . . it felt like a gift . . . because it dwarfed my petty little discomforts so overwhelmingly, and because it was simply so beautiful in its truths."

This hymn was known as the love song of the 1904 Wesh revival. I am including the lyrics as well because the youtube version does not have the complete hymn.

(singer prefaces for about a minute before singing in English): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APrUPPC8bFY&feature=related


Here is love, vast as the ocean,
Lovingkindness as the flood,
When the Prince of Life, our Ransom,
Shed for us His precious blood.
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten,
Throughout Heav'n's eternal days.

On the mount of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide;
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above,
And Heav'n's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love.

Let me all Thy love accepting,
Love Thee, ever all my days;
Let me seek Thy kingdom only
And my life be to Thy praise;
Thou alone shalt be my glory,
Nothing in the world I see.
Thou hast cleansed and sanctified me,
Thou Thyself hast set me free.

In Thy truth Thou dost direct me
By Thy Spirit through Thy Word;
And Thy grace my need is meeting,
As I trust in Thee, my Lord.
Of Thy fullness Thou art pouring
Thy great love and power on me,
Without measure, full and boundless,
Drawing out my heart to Thee.


At the end of it all, it is really all about God and His amazing love for us, isn't it . . to Him be all praise and glory forevermore.

His shalom, love and hope be with each of us,

Love

kim guat and siu yin

Siu Yin's Journey
Thursday, September 11, 2008 1:04 PM
From: "kimguat goh"



Dear All,

This is from Siu Yin . .


My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,



Thanks so much to journey with me this far. I haven't written for a while since last email I mentioned that I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though the active search had stopped. God did not stop working on me right there. Instead God leads me like a good Shepherd leading His sheep going through troubles, pains, sorrows, frustration, and disappointment etc. It takes me a while to process what happened in the last week and now I would like to share more what great work God has done in my life here in a motel in Kalispell, MT.



The first two weeks of waiting here was like a storm to me. Everyday I looked forward to hearing good news after the search, but it did not come and I got disappointed. My emotion went up and down like a roller coaster depending on the search. Everyday I cried to the Lord and begged for His mercy to us. I was so tensed that I did not want to eat, I could not sleep well, and I could not sit and pray still. God is good to remind me that my purpose of living is to worship Him (let everything that breathes praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6) and I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though thing did not seem work out the way I wanted. I wanted to declare to the Lord – He is still King of kings and Lord of lords, God is God. Through singing to the Lord, my life changed and my spiritual darkness of all the negative thoughts and feelings such as frustration, disappointment, confusion etc, were broken by the light of God. I felt the light of God shined on me and I don't get disappointed so easy, my frustration is reducing and my pain and sorrow are replaced by the love of God in His very presence. It is because my focus to look for Yi-Jien has shifted to God centered praise and worship. When my eyes turned back to God's love, my pain is so little.



This step of choosing to praise the Lord became the start of my second phrase of journey – journey with God closely. I did not only start singing praises to the Lord, I sang to the Lord to help me to be surrendered by Him. Thus I sang, "All to Jesus I surrender" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2IpLSfqp8

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

and prayed to the Lord to show me His ways and teach me His paths and lead me in His truth. I told the Lord, "I am willing to trust and obey." Yet my heart and my mind still could not quiet down and I still had lots of questions I wanted the Lord to answer me and my desire to see Yi-Jien was so strong that I could not stop thinking of him. I prayed very hard to the Lord singing "STILL – Hillsong" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgob5afanUg&feature=related



Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust





My heart changed from disquieted to still and know that HE IS GOD. This song leads me to experience God's goodness that He took me out of the storm and showed me that Jesus is my light when I was in the darkness and shined on me to know that He is my good Shepherd. Thus I was no longer in the storm and the word "good Shepherd" became my focus in my prayer that I saw myself guiding by a Shepherd lying down on a pasture. Though I was very down, eyes filled with tears waiting, I was with the Shepherd and the Shepherd was with me. I also saw my mother in law right next to me with the Shepherd. My soul and my heart were calm and quiet. From that day on my emotion did not go up and down but resting with the Shepherd in silence even though I was confused. God started revealing me His steadfast love through His presence. When I need an encouragement, God gives it to me. When I need a comfort, He comforts me with His Word. When I need rest, He gives me rest. He shows me His love through you all that I am not walking alone in this crisis. I cannot even count how many emails I have received from you, how many of them warm my heart and how many of them encourage me when the time I need, and how many of them shows me how great is our God. This community of faith is much larger than I can imagine. Some of you in this community of faith I have never met but praying and walking with us…how amazing God's work in our lives bringing us together because of the hope He has given to us. How Great is HIS Love!



Though my eyes was filled with tears the first day (my heart was heavy and my soul was weary), the second day I started thinking about Yi-Jien as a lost sheep waiting for Jesus – the good Shepherd to carry him back on His shoulder. This picture gave me hope and I started to wait more patiently to the Lord for His work to bring Yi-Jien back. I started to sing "Mighty to save - God is able to move the mountains and He is mighty to save" to encourage myself to trust and believe…this lightened my heart so much I felt the joy in the Lord. Though I did not know when the time will come and somehow still wondering if this would come true or not (my belief is waving)…God gave me the word "wait upon the Lord" and I sang, "Everlasting God". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMdWjL2kiU&feature=related



Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles



I felt God wanted me to be silent and wait, for He promised to those who wait for him shall not be put to shame, so I was waiting and waiting for couple days with great hope…singing His amazing love to us. This waiting experience was very precious to me because I was willing to let go whatever outcome, then my heart and my soul were satisfied in the presence of the Lord. My waiting with trust and obey made my heart feel very light. In this waiting period, I tasted God's faithfulness and His promises that He would help me to go through this when I wait for the Lord. Though we did not have exciting conversation or great joy in my heart or lots of interaction between me and God, my heart was calm and quiet with peace. Yet this calm and quiet period did not stay long, my desire to see Yi-Jien overwhelmed me that I started asking God the same questions again…WHY?....HOW LONG?....WHEN?...(my focus of God has shifted back to look for Yi-Jien and my faith waved again) My mind could not stop thinking as so many of you got visions, dreams and insights that Yi-Jien is still alive and why didn't God give me one so I can be sure since I am his wife. In fact I got two pictures about three sheep (Yi-Jien, me and my mother in law) happy reunion, yet I wondered if it was my own desire and I asked God, but God never answered me clearly. I told God I did not dare to hope for anything it was only my desire; I only wanted His will. Yet my heart and my mind could not reconcile and I could not stop thinking and my heart has no peace. Finally I was exhausted with this struggling and I came to the point I felt so tired last few days, my mind, my soul, my heart and my body. Thank God for His love and let me rest in Him. Whenever I started praying, God put me to sleep and I did not just sleep few minutes, I slept hours and hours : ) Thus I slept a lot last few days without doing much and thinking much but just rested in God's love and enjoyed His presence. Yesterday God gave me His word on



Psalm 131:1-3

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.

O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore.



I fully identified myself with David and my soul has been calmed and quieted like a weaned child resting in the mother. Yet the most strike me is the last verse, "O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore." I kept pondering the word "hope". Lord, what do you mean hope from this time on. I actually did not dare to hope for my desire – Yi-Jien is alive as God's will. Yet there are so many of you showing me he is still alive. I asked God if this is the hope you wanted me to hold on; is this the hope my community of faith showing me I should believe and wait? I shared this with my mother in law and she helped me to go through that our Father's love is so great that it is possible God's will can also be my desire. Of course when she said this because God has been leading us this way to believe Yi-Jien is still alive through the community of faith and His Word. Yet I still could not accept that God did not speak to me directly. Thus today I went out to a lake and quieted myself in front of God and asked Him again. God this time did speak to me…I asked God why this happened to Yi-Jien, the verse in Jeremiah came to me, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." Then I asked again if I should take the community of faith's visions, dreams and insights to believe that Yi-Jien is alive. God said to me, "Do not doubt but believe." I asked God is it You, God said "I Am who I Am." I started sing praises to the Lord and wanted to go home and write to you all about this. Yet when I came home, my heart started doubting again and I did not dare to write this for I am afraid if Yi-Jien never comes out, then I would be a fool. My shame and fear and pride all mix together that I stopped writing until I had a long talk with my mother in law this evening that faith is easy when it is in general belief like I believe the hope that Jesus will come again. But faith becomes more difficult when we believe specific thing like this Yi-Jien is alive. At the same time I still not satisfied that God did not speak to me directly – it reflects my pride not to rely on other brothers and sisters in Christ who also love God, also pray to God fervently for Yi-Jien who received God's visions and dreams and insights.



Lord, forgive me that I only want my own confirmation from you because of my pride, forgive me that I do not trust my brothers and sisters in Christ to help me to walk through this together, forgive my unbelief and help me to continue to walk not only with you but with the whole community of faith. Thanks for teaching me the love of community and walk together with trust. Praise You, O LORD! Let Your Name be gloried and honored through this crisis. Let many will be blessed richly by your gracious love and mercy. Draw us closer to you and offer all our hearts, our minds and our souls to love you, Lord.



Love,

Siu Yin

Dear All,

Thank you all so very much for still staying with us . . so many of you are still writing to us, continuing to encourage us, and to assure us of your support and prayers. We are really eternally grateful. One of the things that has become so apparent to us is that your prayers did not only sustain us in His peace and grace but somehow, they have, together with your encouragment, carried us to where we are now in our journey of faith.

We went to bed last night (our Sunday night) with a lightness of spirit, after having talked, shared and helped each other process through what is God teaching us . . as if our hearts were just wrapped tightly in a blanket of peace that could only come from Him. It is most incredible that at this stage when we should be more anxious and find the journey getting tougher with each passing day, we are discovering that the journey is getting increasingly more filled with peace . . . the calm after the storm.

The words of the old hymn that as we 'turn and keep our eyes upon Jesus . . the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace' describe what is happening to us. Not that we are unconcerned about Yi Jien anymore, but thinking about where and how he is no longer causes distress or anxiety. Siu Yin is at a place of resting in and experiencing God's love . . . my 'tight rope' has become a firm ground from where I can sit and 'lift up my eyes to the hills (Psalm 121).' So we continue to wait, taking one day at a time, and allowing Him to show us His ways and guide us by His truth (Psalm 25:4) . . . no longer really anxious about why it is taking so long (most of the time :-)) but willing to wait for the completion of His time when He will bring to pass all that He has promised.

Our wonderful God still continues to encourage in many ways and through many people . . and even in my daily readings. Isaiah 52 rings again with His promise of the redemption of His people in the sight of all the nations . . . Isaiah 53 speaks of the sufferings of Jesus, sufferings which were in accordance with God's will, but that would lead to the blessing of many. Some of you have shared with us that you sensed God is doing something far greater than what we can humanly see with our eyes, beyond what is happening to Yi Jien . . so let us continue to wait and seek His face, and pray as He leads us . . this perhaps is the next phase of our journey of faith together . . seeking His larger purposes and letting Him use us whom He has called, to pray that they will be fulfilled.

May I leave us with a song, Bring the Rain by MercyMe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU&feature=related) sent by another young friend this morning. I was much challenged by James 1:12, written on the first slide of the video:

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test,
he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12)

and the last verse of the song:

I am Yours regardless of
the clouds that may loom above
because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
suffering Your destiny
so tell me what's a little rain


Your fellow sojourners in this journey of faith,

kim guat and siu yin

Dear All,

'Praise the Lord, O my soul
I will praise the Lord all my life
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live
Do not put your trust in princes
in mortal men who cannot save
When their spirit departs, they return to the ground
on that very day their plans come to nothing
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob
whose hope is in the Lord his God
the Maker of heaven and earth
the sea and everything in them
the Lord who remains faithful forever' Psalm 146:2-6

My reading for Saturday morning was in this psalm. . the second reading was Isaiah 51, God's wonderful promise of salvation to His people Israel, which was not yet in sight but which God would, in His time, bring to pass. When particularly struck me was God asking His people to look back to Abraham and Sarah, His people of faith, as a reminder of His faithfulness. I turned again to Romans 4 . . it is all about Abraham who, against all hope believed in God's promise (not vain hope that he simply clung to out of his own need, but the promise God had given to him) and was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.

We are nowhere near Abraham (!) . . our hope is tinged with awe (wow God, who are we that You would want to do this?) and fearful trepidation (really God, You want to do this for us? . . we know You can but to do it . . .? ) But when our God keeps encouraging and affirming, there is actually only one path to take . . be obedient and follow where He leads faithfully, even when it goes beyond our understanding, 'dig in our heels' and trust, remembering and praising Him like David that blessed is he whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Many keep thinking we are so strong in our faith . . it is not so much that we are strong in and of ourselves . . but it is the marvellous mysterious grace of God which is sustaining us and giving us faith and hope . . using your continual prayers and your wonderful encouragment, and our reading and meditating on His Word and His gift of music and song to feed and nourish our souls.

What has been most humbling and amazing is how God has been using young people to encourage us . . even at this very long last stretch . . One young friend wrote . . . I have not asked for her permission because I just received her email a few minutes ago (I don't think she will mind) but I just want to quote what she wrote in her journal and let her words speak in all its eloquence and faith (she's 19 years old) . .

You know, something bigger than finding Yi Jien has come out of all this. All of us have cried out to God. Sought His face, understood God's heart a little better and experienced God's love and peace. We've learnt to be patient, to surrender the things that we hold to our chests the tightest and in doing so set ourselves free to breathe.

God I am in awe, and I find it amazing and slightly ironic that from the beginning, Yi Jien, until the end has been Your vessel. And I praise you with all my heart for that. You have used Him so mightily and been so gentle throughout. He has been that grain of wheat that has fallen to the ground and died (metaphorically) for Your kingdom. I still believe that You have things under control, that Yi Jien is safe in your hands, that even right now He's being loved and ministered to by you be it heaven or earth. And I cannot help or stop giving thanks and praise. But for some reason I still believe that Yi Jien is alive, my heart is not moved by the odds against what it believes in.

But it doesn't matter. Being right or wrong. Really. It's capturing God's heart and pursuing relentlessly. To run the ways of His commandments and find Him there. How I love that.

On runningtherace, I think that this leg of the race was an optional one to run, but all of us have been blessed by taking on this leg. The race is far from over, but I think God's name has and is continued to be glorified.

The highlight is mine . . . such amazing insight and wisdom from one so young!

For those of you who love songs, may I leave you with this song Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw) sent by another young girl yesterday. The storm is still there but our praises are ringing louder and our hope emerging stronger because as so eloquently written by my dear young friend, we are 'capturing God's heart and pursuing relentlessly' and know we will 'find Him there.'

The love and grace of the Father, Son and Spirit be with each of us in His glorious abundance

kim guat and siu yin

Dear All,

We have not yet received the phone call that we have been waiting for . . . and so we will have to wait for another day. Today, however, the Lord has so kept our hearts in His peace and love that there was no sense of disappointment when we reached the end of the day.

As Siu Yin meditated on Psalm 25:4-5, desiring that God will teach and guide her in His truth as she waits on Him, she felt His peace and love embracing her throughout the day. And she felt a stronger sense of hope . . . My reading in Isaiah 50 sealed my hope and trust in Him as I "set my face like flint, and know that I will not be put to shame" (v. 7). God had tenderly and lovingly led us to that place today where we were able to ride smoothly over a day where no end was yet in sight.

I do not need to write much more at this point . . . all our eyes should be on Him now as we await Him to fulfil His purposes and reveal Himself as the Almighty God, the God before whom nothing is impossible.

And so let us continue to worship Him and prayerfully wait in trust . . .

Thank you again for journeying with us this far. We are eternally grateful for your love and support. May you know His peace, love and hope in joyful abundance each day.

Love,

kim guat and siu yin

Dear All,

It is during times like these in particular that the truth of what it means to belong to the family of Christ becomes startlingly real and life-giving. No more walls and institutional forms but just people . . . connected in faith and hope and love. So thank you dear friends in Christ for continuing to uphold us in your prayers, and many of you for writing such heart-warming emails of faith and encouragment.

As I look at what has been happening throughout this whole journey, I believe the first part of the journey was a natural response of our human need where we continuallly cry to the Lord and ask Him to answer our prayers. It was, humanly speaking, a long journey of walking in a dark valley even though we knew that He was right there with us. The journey could have ended as we walked out of the valley, which I believe we have (thanks to all of you who have prayed and fasted so long and so hard), but God has other things to teach us.

And so He has brought us to the next part of learning to wait in trust. He is teaching us to praise and thank Him even when the end is not yet in sight . . . He is teaching us the precious lesson of disciplining ourselves to still our souls and wait in quiet confidence and trust . . especially when the promised end is not yet in sight and the situation has gone beyond space, time and reason . . . I believe that is His desire for all of us through this whole journey, to be able to come to that place of loving and trusting Him in childlike confidence even when everything else is 'shouting' and pointing otherwise.

When the day ended without news yet of Yi Jien, we had to come back to this place of quiet trust and wait . . the disappointment turned again to hope as we looked again and remember how God has never ceased to encourage us every single day and to trust that He is faithful. My readings that morning were in Psalm 144 and 145, and Isaiah 46-49. Isaiah 49 especially encouraged me but it is verse 26b that stirred my heart . . 'then all mankind will know that I, the Lord, am your Saviour, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.'

Therefore for me now, it seems that it even goes beyond experiencing God as our heavenly Father . . it is coming face-to-face with and experiencing Him as the great Creator God, the Mighty Saviour and Redeemer . . it is no longer about us but about Him . . May nothing detract from His glory as He exalts His Name and His Word.

May I leave again the song Like Eagles (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNvgTPiUsdM) with us . . I woke up this morning and the phrase from this song just popped into my heart and mind "Patiently I'll wait." I was much humbled in my 'unstill soul'. . . and could only praise and thank Him again.

His peace and joy be with each of you . . . thank you again . . and to God be the glory!

Held by the Hand of God,

kim guat and siu yin

Dear All,

It gets harder and harder to write my updates not so much because we have given up hope or our waiting upon the Lord. It is more because I need His wisdom and grace to know what He wants to say that will encourage each of you on in your personal journey with Him as you have persevered so long and hard with us through this difficult time.

For Siu Yin and myself, where we are at now is a quieter spirit of rest and waiting upon Him, learning to trust Him as our Father who loves us so much that He will never play with our fragile emotions . . . I know many of us are thinking that we might be just holding on in vain hope because it has been too long, and rationally speaking, I do agree. But somehow, God does not seem to be leading us to that closure. Siu Yin and I have already surrendered Yi Jien to the Lord much earlier, willingly to accept that he is dead and move on . . . but God seems to keep saying to wait and trust Him and He will save him. We could be discerning Him completely wrong, and if we do, then the onus of responsibility is mine, not the Lord's. That is actually my greatest fear, not whether Yi Jien is alive or not, but that I do not lead you all down the wrong path of false hope that comes from me and then cause each of you to stumble, and God's name to be dishonoured. So I am writing this with 'fear and trepidation' . . .

But I do believe that God has a larger purpose far beyond what we can 'know' with our physical senses . . and one is it is not just about your journey with us, but also your own journey with the Lord and all the 'marvellous deep things' He is forming and wants to hone in each of your life . . . some of which we might recognise now but others of which we will only see in the days to come, bearing much fruit to His glory.

Let me now just share with you what is happening with us.

In times like these, the Word of God becomes life for us . . . we learn to trust Him speaking through it because like Him, His Word never changes, and if we don't believe that, then we have nothing to hold onto. Before I slept last night, asking again for His assurance, I had two passages sent to me by two separate people: Psalm 30, and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 2 Corinthians reminded me again to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Psalm 30 talks about God delivering David from death. I was reminded of Psalm 16, one of my favourite psalms, and again it talks about deliverance from death. Already in the morning, my regular readings in the psalms was Psalm 143, with David asking God to hear his cries for mercy and to deliver him from death.

So again and again, God seems to encourage us to trust and hope, every day with enough mercies for the day. There are many more things that He has done to assure us . . and it is in looking and praying through all this, not just one thing but many, that we are still believing that He is holding out that hope to us . . and inviting us to rest in Him and wait. Siu Yin's word for today is 'shepherd' - and she is meditating on that and trusting in the Good shepherd to lead and guide her and Yi Jien.

We really really cannot humanly fathom what is happening and will happen, but we want to come to Him in simple faith, like children to a father, and place everything in His hands, including our desires, and say "Papa, You do it. We trust You." And that is what we have just told Him again this morning, that Papa, our desire is that You bring out Yi Jien alive . . and we leave that in His hands . . . and we thank Him and worship Him as we wait till He tells us otherwise.

May I leave us with this song 'I Will Sing' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUAz6HgNfnM&feature=related) and may the Lord minister to each of us through it.

Thank you again so very much . . may each of you know the blessing of the Father who loves us, Jesus our Friend and Saviour, and the Holy Spirit, our Comforter.

Love and hugs for all your love for us :-)

kim guat and siu yin

update : 2nd sept 2008

Dear All,

It seems like many of you have received the latest news about the rangers' decision even my update! The wonders of the internet and in our situation, a real blessing because we can all be so quickly and closely connected.

Yes, they have decided that after so many days of active search and at their lowest estimate, close to 2500 man-hours of energy expended, they will not do anymore active search from Wed onwards. This means the case is still open, flyers are still out but they will not send out teams anymore though all the park staff are still aware of the case and will keep their eyes out in the course of their normal duties or for any clues which other hikers might alert them to. They told us that they have covered at least between 80-90% of the high probability areas, higher than the normal 60+%. We do believe they have tried their very best and we have thanked them for it.

So now again we have no other recourse but to look to our God again. Like what one of our friends wrote, it has been a roller coaster ride, a journey of faith challenged and faith reaffirmed, especially each evening when we end the day without Yi Jien being found as yet. My picture of my own journey is like that of walking on a tight rope (not a very thin one though :-)) with darkness all around and the only way to keep my footing sure is not to look to the left or right or down (if I start peering down, it gets scary, the darkness is full of fear and pain and hopelessness . . . and so I don't look down, not because I am so strong but for self-preservation :-)) but to keep looking straight - at God; the same picture of Peter walking on the water only if he keeps his eyes on Jesus and not on the swirling waters around.

Even after this last piece of news (and incidentally the weather was good yesterday, and humanly speaking again, just right for rescue) when I think maybe we have heard God wrong, He keeps encouraging, gently yet lovingly to trust and wait. Before I slept last night, I was googling for one song but somehow another song appeared - God Will Make a Way (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hOjYR8UZT8&feature=related)

. And this morning again, He gives the song that had been such an encouragment before we met with the rangers yesterday ; Like Eagles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNvgTPiUsdM He seems still to be saying . . trust and wait . . and so we will do that because we know that He is our God who is faithful and worthy of our trust. His ways may just seem out of this world and beyond our wisest understanding, but let us continue to trust Him and wait and watch and see what He will do. And so thank you again for so faithfully praying and supporting us . . . so many of you have written to encourage . . I know that it is just as difficult and challenging a journey of faith for each of you as well . . thank you. We can never thank each of you enough but my comfort is that He knows all your hearts and all you have gone through. My readings from Isaiah 43 and 44 yesterday, and 45 and 46 today are again encouraging. God is still God and there is no other. His peace and grace be with each of you in ever increasing measure as you worship Him and seek His face. In the Father's Hands kim guat p.s. don't worry about us, we are keeping well by His grace p.p.s My apologies if I am getting long-winded in my updates :-) some of my friends say I have a tendency to be long-winded . . I don't necessarily agree but . . ! God bless :-)

update : 3rd sept 2008

My dearest brothers and sisters in Christ,

Thanks for your emails and concerns, cares and love. Some of you are worrying about me since yesterday was the day of the final searching for Yi-Jien and I haven’t written anything. The result is that nothing is found. When I left the rangers’ office, I did not cry but feeling my hope of finding Yi-Jien is getting less and less. They told me they had cover over 80% of the search area and some parts of the area even reach 95%, and they were very frustrated and disappointed, so they decided there would be no more active search. If rangers or hikers passing through the same area and find something, they may start the search again. I believe all the rangers think if Yi-Jien is found, he is death. I guess if we think rationally, we probably would also agree with all the rangers. Somehow I have been asking God if Yi-Jien is death, I would like to see his body. Yet God did not answer me, thus I put my hope even it seems hope against hope to wait for God’s mighty help to save Yi-Jien. Thus what we do here in the motel about 10 miles away from Glacier national park is to pray, to cry with the song “Our Father – Don Moen” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlHiDohcEEw). We spend most of our time praying and waiting. I have to admit that I am not a patient person at all and waiting is my weakest part of my life. Thus I cried a lot at the end of the day when there is no news to express my disappointment, frustration, pain, worries,…and questioning God how long, how long…? Three days ago, it was Sunday and I did not forget to sing praises to God, so I started listening songs on youtube and sang along in my heart. I found out that my heart could not fully sing praises to God. There is a conflict in my heart. I want to trust in the Lord, but my pains and my questions and my disappointment stop me to worship Him. Then God gave me a verse from Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight. I keep this verse in my heart and ask God why can’t I fully trust in you and praise you and pray for God to help me to take away the part in my heart which stop me worshipping Him. Yesterday before I went to ranger office, God gave me this song “I will sing – Don Moen” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W1EdvUfaRY&feature=related) and the verse in the song from Habakkuk 3:17-19 Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails, and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will exult in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights. It is my choice to choose to sing and to praise God even though everything does not seem make sense, everything does not seem work out. I still choose to sing and praise our Triumph God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit even though Yi-Jien is not found. God teaches me this is the trust He wants me to have in Him. I will continue to sing and praise the Lord in all circumstances. Then my heart is filled with peace though pain is still there, questions is still in my mind. Does that mean I loose hope to wait for Yi-Jien? The answer is no until God shows me to let go and move on. I am still praying for Yi-Jien to “Jia Yo” (means “keep up” and it was in my dream). So please continue to pray for Yi-Jien and I shall put my trust in the Lord with all my heart.

I do want to give my heartfelt thanks to you all lifting us (me, my mother in law and my family) in your prayers. I truly feel the community of God on earth without boundaries, nationalities, skin color, gender and age. I believe I could not walk this far without the support of prayers and love from the community of God. Let’s praise the Lord for His goodness and love.

In His Grace and Mercy

Siu Yin

update : 2nd sept 2008


Dear All,

Monday has passed and there is no news. We had been hoping that this perhaps was the day that God would deliver Yi Jien but it was not to be. It has been disappointing but not devastating. Again we are gently though painfully reminded that God's ways and thoughts are far beyond ours and God does not need to work within our time frame. I have been late in sending this out because Siu Yin and I have been talking and praying . . and we want to continue to hold on in trust and faith in our heavenly Father who we believe has been sheltering Yi Jien and us throughout all this time under His wings, and who still faithfully and lovingly assures us to wait in quiet trust.

Many of you have been sharing very encouraging passages from His Word (thank you) . . and He has also continued to assure us through His Word. He has given Siu Yin Proverbs 3:5 . . to trust in Him and not lean on our own understanding . . and for me as I continue reading Isaiah 41 and 42, the assurance that He is my God who is with me. We both just ended this night singing with Michael Smith (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcw3Tfg4CZg) 'How Great is our God.'

We want to remain faithful and obedient even when we might not fully fathom what is happening and so we ask that you continue to do the same . . . let us continue to come before His throne of grace to love Him and worship Him, and then we pray as He leads . . our end desire being above all esle that He be praised and glorified.

"For nothing is impossible for God." "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38) May these words resonate with each of our hearts as we come before our heavenly Father.

The peace and joy of the Father, Son and Spirit be with each of you, dear friends and family members.

Love in Him

kim guat

Dear All,

I was very down before we met the rangers (we normally meet them everyday at 4pm). I always have a great hope Yi-Jien is found at the beginning of the day…yet when time past, no news no phone call makes me feel so down and heartbreaking. Thank God to have my mother in law with me. She always helps me to hold on the hope that Yi-Jien is alive through many people who have received this from God. I myself keep asking God to affirm to me but my mind and my heart are not quiet enough to hear God's tender voice. Thus I hold on to what I read through Psalms and knowing when we cry out to God in troubles, he will deliver us and we shall praise Him. Today when the searching is done, I was upset but I have hope and God keeps reminding me I shall see His wonders…I ask God when, He said soon. My heart fills with joy and peace and I am holding this hope again for tomorrow. Please do not stop praying for that hope…Yi-Jien is still alive and will come back to us. Though searching time is getting short, we trust in God who is merciful and faithful to His children.

Much love and thanks for your unceasing prayers

Siu Yin

update: 31 aug 2008

Dear All,

Sunday has ended for us and they have not found anything as yet. They will only send 1 or 2 more teams tomorrow and Tuesday but weather is not promising for these next few days. And actually they do not know where else to send the teams short of any clue turning up. They will be meeting on Tuesday morning (Malaysian Tue night) to review the case and they will most likely not do any more active search after that. We appear quite 'foolish' to them each time we meet because we tell them that we are still holding onto the hope that Yi Jien is alive because God has been affirming that for us . . . for them, they are quite sure that he can no longer be alive after 21 days.

As I mentioned in my last update, we can only trust that it is when we are absolutely without resources of our own or have no recourse to any human help or hope that He often shows Himself. And that seems to be the case now . . . humanly there is nothing we or the rangers can do at this point. We have not given up hope because God has not stopped assuring us that He will deliver Yi Jien . . . logically too, if He has kept Yi Jien alive all this while, then He should see to it that Yi Jien comes out alive.

I was reading Psalm 138 (my regular reading) and Isaiah 40 today. I had not wanted to turn to Isaiah for a long time because I did not want to simply claim God's promises from there because there are a number of such passages. But today, someone pointed me to Isaiah 46 and then I decided to read from Isaiah 40 onwards. Psalm 138:6-8 spoke to me again about His deliverance and the whole chapter of Isaiah 40 was immensely assuring. Before I slept the night before the words of the song 'Still' came to me . . "Find rest my soul in God alone, know His power in quietness and trust."

I feel bad that I have to keep asking all of you to continue to pray with us because it has been such a trying time for you as well . . but let us not give up hope yet and in faith to continue to come before His 'throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).'

So thank you again for coming alongside us and prevailing in prayer with us. His peace and joy be with you as you continue in faith to seek His face.

In His peace

kim guat