Siu Yin's Journey
Thursday, September 11, 2008 1:04 PM
From: "kimguat goh"
Dear All,
This is from Siu Yin . .
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
Thanks so much to journey with me this far. I haven't written for a while since last email I mentioned that I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though the active search had stopped. God did not stop working on me right there. Instead God leads me like a good Shepherd leading His sheep going through troubles, pains, sorrows, frustration, and disappointment etc. It takes me a while to process what happened in the last week and now I would like to share more what great work God has done in my life here in a motel in Kalispell, MT.
The first two weeks of waiting here was like a storm to me. Everyday I looked forward to hearing good news after the search, but it did not come and I got disappointed. My emotion went up and down like a roller coaster depending on the search. Everyday I cried to the Lord and begged for His mercy to us. I was so tensed that I did not want to eat, I could not sleep well, and I could not sit and pray still. God is good to remind me that my purpose of living is to worship Him (let everything that breathes praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6) and I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though thing did not seem work out the way I wanted. I wanted to declare to the Lord – He is still King of kings and Lord of lords, God is God. Through singing to the Lord, my life changed and my spiritual darkness of all the negative thoughts and feelings such as frustration, disappointment, confusion etc, were broken by the light of God. I felt the light of God shined on me and I don't get disappointed so easy, my frustration is reducing and my pain and sorrow are replaced by the love of God in His very presence. It is because my focus to look for Yi-Jien has shifted to God centered praise and worship. When my eyes turned back to God's love, my pain is so little.
This step of choosing to praise the Lord became the start of my second phrase of journey – journey with God closely. I did not only start singing praises to the Lord, I sang to the Lord to help me to be surrendered by Him. Thus I sang, "All to Jesus I surrender" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2IpLSfqp8
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
and prayed to the Lord to show me His ways and teach me His paths and lead me in His truth. I told the Lord, "I am willing to trust and obey." Yet my heart and my mind still could not quiet down and I still had lots of questions I wanted the Lord to answer me and my desire to see Yi-Jien was so strong that I could not stop thinking of him. I prayed very hard to the Lord singing "STILL – Hillsong" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgob5afanUg&feature=related
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
My heart changed from disquieted to still and know that HE IS GOD. This song leads me to experience God's goodness that He took me out of the storm and showed me that Jesus is my light when I was in the darkness and shined on me to know that He is my good Shepherd. Thus I was no longer in the storm and the word "good Shepherd" became my focus in my prayer that I saw myself guiding by a Shepherd lying down on a pasture. Though I was very down, eyes filled with tears waiting, I was with the Shepherd and the Shepherd was with me. I also saw my mother in law right next to me with the Shepherd. My soul and my heart were calm and quiet. From that day on my emotion did not go up and down but resting with the Shepherd in silence even though I was confused. God started revealing me His steadfast love through His presence. When I need an encouragement, God gives it to me. When I need a comfort, He comforts me with His Word. When I need rest, He gives me rest. He shows me His love through you all that I am not walking alone in this crisis. I cannot even count how many emails I have received from you, how many of them warm my heart and how many of them encourage me when the time I need, and how many of them shows me how great is our God. This community of faith is much larger than I can imagine. Some of you in this community of faith I have never met but praying and walking with us…how amazing God's work in our lives bringing us together because of the hope He has given to us. How Great is HIS Love!
Though my eyes was filled with tears the first day (my heart was heavy and my soul was weary), the second day I started thinking about Yi-Jien as a lost sheep waiting for Jesus – the good Shepherd to carry him back on His shoulder. This picture gave me hope and I started to wait more patiently to the Lord for His work to bring Yi-Jien back. I started to sing "Mighty to save - God is able to move the mountains and He is mighty to save" to encourage myself to trust and believe…this lightened my heart so much I felt the joy in the Lord. Though I did not know when the time will come and somehow still wondering if this would come true or not (my belief is waving)…God gave me the word "wait upon the Lord" and I sang, "Everlasting God". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMdWjL2kiU&feature=related
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
I felt God wanted me to be silent and wait, for He promised to those who wait for him shall not be put to shame, so I was waiting and waiting for couple days with great hope…singing His amazing love to us. This waiting experience was very precious to me because I was willing to let go whatever outcome, then my heart and my soul were satisfied in the presence of the Lord. My waiting with trust and obey made my heart feel very light. In this waiting period, I tasted God's faithfulness and His promises that He would help me to go through this when I wait for the Lord. Though we did not have exciting conversation or great joy in my heart or lots of interaction between me and God, my heart was calm and quiet with peace. Yet this calm and quiet period did not stay long, my desire to see Yi-Jien overwhelmed me that I started asking God the same questions again…WHY?....HOW LONG?....WHEN?...(my focus of God has shifted back to look for Yi-Jien and my faith waved again) My mind could not stop thinking as so many of you got visions, dreams and insights that Yi-Jien is still alive and why didn't God give me one so I can be sure since I am his wife. In fact I got two pictures about three sheep (Yi-Jien, me and my mother in law) happy reunion, yet I wondered if it was my own desire and I asked God, but God never answered me clearly. I told God I did not dare to hope for anything it was only my desire; I only wanted His will. Yet my heart and my mind could not reconcile and I could not stop thinking and my heart has no peace. Finally I was exhausted with this struggling and I came to the point I felt so tired last few days, my mind, my soul, my heart and my body. Thank God for His love and let me rest in Him. Whenever I started praying, God put me to sleep and I did not just sleep few minutes, I slept hours and hours : ) Thus I slept a lot last few days without doing much and thinking much but just rested in God's love and enjoyed His presence. Yesterday God gave me His word on
Psalm 131:1-3
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore.
I fully identified myself with David and my soul has been calmed and quieted like a weaned child resting in the mother. Yet the most strike me is the last verse, "O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore." I kept pondering the word "hope". Lord, what do you mean hope from this time on. I actually did not dare to hope for my desire – Yi-Jien is alive as God's will. Yet there are so many of you showing me he is still alive. I asked God if this is the hope you wanted me to hold on; is this the hope my community of faith showing me I should believe and wait? I shared this with my mother in law and she helped me to go through that our Father's love is so great that it is possible God's will can also be my desire. Of course when she said this because God has been leading us this way to believe Yi-Jien is still alive through the community of faith and His Word. Yet I still could not accept that God did not speak to me directly. Thus today I went out to a lake and quieted myself in front of God and asked Him again. God this time did speak to me…I asked God why this happened to Yi-Jien, the verse in Jeremiah came to me, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." Then I asked again if I should take the community of faith's visions, dreams and insights to believe that Yi-Jien is alive. God said to me, "Do not doubt but believe." I asked God is it You, God said "I Am who I Am." I started sing praises to the Lord and wanted to go home and write to you all about this. Yet when I came home, my heart started doubting again and I did not dare to write this for I am afraid if Yi-Jien never comes out, then I would be a fool. My shame and fear and pride all mix together that I stopped writing until I had a long talk with my mother in law this evening that faith is easy when it is in general belief like I believe the hope that Jesus will come again. But faith becomes more difficult when we believe specific thing like this Yi-Jien is alive. At the same time I still not satisfied that God did not speak to me directly – it reflects my pride not to rely on other brothers and sisters in Christ who also love God, also pray to God fervently for Yi-Jien who received God's visions and dreams and insights.
Lord, forgive me that I only want my own confirmation from you because of my pride, forgive me that I do not trust my brothers and sisters in Christ to help me to walk through this together, forgive my unbelief and help me to continue to walk not only with you but with the whole community of faith. Thanks for teaching me the love of community and walk together with trust. Praise You, O LORD! Let Your Name be gloried and honored through this crisis. Let many will be blessed richly by your gracious love and mercy. Draw us closer to you and offer all our hearts, our minds and our souls to love you, Lord.
Love,
Siu Yin
Thursday, September 11, 2008 1:04 PM
From: "kimguat goh"
Dear All,
This is from Siu Yin . .
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
Thanks so much to journey with me this far. I haven't written for a while since last email I mentioned that I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though the active search had stopped. God did not stop working on me right there. Instead God leads me like a good Shepherd leading His sheep going through troubles, pains, sorrows, frustration, and disappointment etc. It takes me a while to process what happened in the last week and now I would like to share more what great work God has done in my life here in a motel in Kalispell, MT.
The first two weeks of waiting here was like a storm to me. Everyday I looked forward to hearing good news after the search, but it did not come and I got disappointed. My emotion went up and down like a roller coaster depending on the search. Everyday I cried to the Lord and begged for His mercy to us. I was so tensed that I did not want to eat, I could not sleep well, and I could not sit and pray still. God is good to remind me that my purpose of living is to worship Him (let everything that breathes praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6) and I chose to sing praises to the Lord even though thing did not seem work out the way I wanted. I wanted to declare to the Lord – He is still King of kings and Lord of lords, God is God. Through singing to the Lord, my life changed and my spiritual darkness of all the negative thoughts and feelings such as frustration, disappointment, confusion etc, were broken by the light of God. I felt the light of God shined on me and I don't get disappointed so easy, my frustration is reducing and my pain and sorrow are replaced by the love of God in His very presence. It is because my focus to look for Yi-Jien has shifted to God centered praise and worship. When my eyes turned back to God's love, my pain is so little.
This step of choosing to praise the Lord became the start of my second phrase of journey – journey with God closely. I did not only start singing praises to the Lord, I sang to the Lord to help me to be surrendered by Him. Thus I sang, "All to Jesus I surrender" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2IpLSfqp8
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
and prayed to the Lord to show me His ways and teach me His paths and lead me in His truth. I told the Lord, "I am willing to trust and obey." Yet my heart and my mind still could not quiet down and I still had lots of questions I wanted the Lord to answer me and my desire to see Yi-Jien was so strong that I could not stop thinking of him. I prayed very hard to the Lord singing "STILL – Hillsong" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgob5afanUg&feature=related
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
My heart changed from disquieted to still and know that HE IS GOD. This song leads me to experience God's goodness that He took me out of the storm and showed me that Jesus is my light when I was in the darkness and shined on me to know that He is my good Shepherd. Thus I was no longer in the storm and the word "good Shepherd" became my focus in my prayer that I saw myself guiding by a Shepherd lying down on a pasture. Though I was very down, eyes filled with tears waiting, I was with the Shepherd and the Shepherd was with me. I also saw my mother in law right next to me with the Shepherd. My soul and my heart were calm and quiet. From that day on my emotion did not go up and down but resting with the Shepherd in silence even though I was confused. God started revealing me His steadfast love through His presence. When I need an encouragement, God gives it to me. When I need a comfort, He comforts me with His Word. When I need rest, He gives me rest. He shows me His love through you all that I am not walking alone in this crisis. I cannot even count how many emails I have received from you, how many of them warm my heart and how many of them encourage me when the time I need, and how many of them shows me how great is our God. This community of faith is much larger than I can imagine. Some of you in this community of faith I have never met but praying and walking with us…how amazing God's work in our lives bringing us together because of the hope He has given to us. How Great is HIS Love!
Though my eyes was filled with tears the first day (my heart was heavy and my soul was weary), the second day I started thinking about Yi-Jien as a lost sheep waiting for Jesus – the good Shepherd to carry him back on His shoulder. This picture gave me hope and I started to wait more patiently to the Lord for His work to bring Yi-Jien back. I started to sing "Mighty to save - God is able to move the mountains and He is mighty to save" to encourage myself to trust and believe…this lightened my heart so much I felt the joy in the Lord. Though I did not know when the time will come and somehow still wondering if this would come true or not (my belief is waving)…God gave me the word "wait upon the Lord" and I sang, "Everlasting God". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMdWjL2kiU&feature=related
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
I felt God wanted me to be silent and wait, for He promised to those who wait for him shall not be put to shame, so I was waiting and waiting for couple days with great hope…singing His amazing love to us. This waiting experience was very precious to me because I was willing to let go whatever outcome, then my heart and my soul were satisfied in the presence of the Lord. My waiting with trust and obey made my heart feel very light. In this waiting period, I tasted God's faithfulness and His promises that He would help me to go through this when I wait for the Lord. Though we did not have exciting conversation or great joy in my heart or lots of interaction between me and God, my heart was calm and quiet with peace. Yet this calm and quiet period did not stay long, my desire to see Yi-Jien overwhelmed me that I started asking God the same questions again…WHY?....HOW LONG?....WHEN?...(my focus of God has shifted back to look for Yi-Jien and my faith waved again) My mind could not stop thinking as so many of you got visions, dreams and insights that Yi-Jien is still alive and why didn't God give me one so I can be sure since I am his wife. In fact I got two pictures about three sheep (Yi-Jien, me and my mother in law) happy reunion, yet I wondered if it was my own desire and I asked God, but God never answered me clearly. I told God I did not dare to hope for anything it was only my desire; I only wanted His will. Yet my heart and my mind could not reconcile and I could not stop thinking and my heart has no peace. Finally I was exhausted with this struggling and I came to the point I felt so tired last few days, my mind, my soul, my heart and my body. Thank God for His love and let me rest in Him. Whenever I started praying, God put me to sleep and I did not just sleep few minutes, I slept hours and hours : ) Thus I slept a lot last few days without doing much and thinking much but just rested in God's love and enjoyed His presence. Yesterday God gave me His word on
Psalm 131:1-3
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore.
I fully identified myself with David and my soul has been calmed and quieted like a weaned child resting in the mother. Yet the most strike me is the last verse, "O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time on and forevermore." I kept pondering the word "hope". Lord, what do you mean hope from this time on. I actually did not dare to hope for my desire – Yi-Jien is alive as God's will. Yet there are so many of you showing me he is still alive. I asked God if this is the hope you wanted me to hold on; is this the hope my community of faith showing me I should believe and wait? I shared this with my mother in law and she helped me to go through that our Father's love is so great that it is possible God's will can also be my desire. Of course when she said this because God has been leading us this way to believe Yi-Jien is still alive through the community of faith and His Word. Yet I still could not accept that God did not speak to me directly. Thus today I went out to a lake and quieted myself in front of God and asked Him again. God this time did speak to me…I asked God why this happened to Yi-Jien, the verse in Jeremiah came to me, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." Then I asked again if I should take the community of faith's visions, dreams and insights to believe that Yi-Jien is alive. God said to me, "Do not doubt but believe." I asked God is it You, God said "I Am who I Am." I started sing praises to the Lord and wanted to go home and write to you all about this. Yet when I came home, my heart started doubting again and I did not dare to write this for I am afraid if Yi-Jien never comes out, then I would be a fool. My shame and fear and pride all mix together that I stopped writing until I had a long talk with my mother in law this evening that faith is easy when it is in general belief like I believe the hope that Jesus will come again. But faith becomes more difficult when we believe specific thing like this Yi-Jien is alive. At the same time I still not satisfied that God did not speak to me directly – it reflects my pride not to rely on other brothers and sisters in Christ who also love God, also pray to God fervently for Yi-Jien who received God's visions and dreams and insights.
Lord, forgive me that I only want my own confirmation from you because of my pride, forgive me that I do not trust my brothers and sisters in Christ to help me to walk through this together, forgive my unbelief and help me to continue to walk not only with you but with the whole community of faith. Thanks for teaching me the love of community and walk together with trust. Praise You, O LORD! Let Your Name be gloried and honored through this crisis. Let many will be blessed richly by your gracious love and mercy. Draw us closer to you and offer all our hearts, our minds and our souls to love you, Lord.
Love,
Siu Yin
posted by Jo Jo Bumps at 5:14 PM
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